Voice Dialogue Course Bonus – Part 5
The Fascinating Story of how
Dr Hal and Sidra Stone’s Work
Helped one Woman Create a Great,
Loving Relationship and a Life that Gets
More and More Fulfilling with Time.
Do you still dream of having a relationship that is filled with closeness, trust, joy, excellent communication, intimacy and a fulfilling sexual life? One which grows better and deeper every year, and allows your whole life to open up to far greater happiness and success?
Would you be interested to know how it is possible and join those few who have discovered the unique and extraordinary secrets of their personality, their passions, their energy and the amazing role and functioning of their whole mind?
Anyone can do it. The wheel does not need to be reinvented. It is only a matter of learning how. In this story, you will discover, like I did, how to do it for yourself.
I am someone who started from a difficult background, who was “destined” to have unhappy relationships and a failed marriage, and who succeeded in letting go of the past, turning my life around, and living in an extraordinary way – which you too can do. Here is what I, Paulina Rowland, would like to share with you:
“The best you can expect from a long-term relationship is mutual toleration!”
These were the shocking words of advice given to me by my mother at the age of twenty-three.
I had just told her of my dream of building a relationship where love grows as time passes, where the connection between myself and my chosen partner would deepen and grow, where I would experience not only passion and sexual fulfilment, but also a real love and respect.
I was single at the time, and I really couldn’t blame my mother for having that opinion, as her life with men had been far from ideal.
“Baby”, she continued, “that’s all pie in the sky. As you get older, and lose your looks, you’ll get a dose of what reality is really like”.
That’s what she had seen and experienced. I had also looked around and seen for myself what happens in almost every relationship. I could count, on the fingers of one hand, the people who at least looked happy to me. There were only a few couples who, I could tell, truly loved each other, after years together, and who still had that loving intimacy that everyone longs for.
I felt defiance at my mother’s words. I felt she had thrown the gauntlet at me. But I kept quiet. “I’ll prove it to you, I thought to myself. I’m going to have a fantastic relationship in spite of what you say. I’m going to find a way to have exactly what I said I wanted.” Little did I know of the roller coaster adventure that decision would send me on.
I thought more about it. I’d learnt by that point that to achieve a goal it is very important to define exactly what you want to experience. Not only did I want a great friendship with laughter, fun and exciting experiences, I wanted the feelings of being fully in my body, and the intense pleasure of the sexual experience. I didn’t want the attraction to fade and sex to become dull and boring and monotonous, where you need to fantasize like crazy to experience anything, or have affairs behind your partners back, as I’d seen and heard of countless people who do.
I’m talking about the pleasure of being truly connected with another human being who you’ve grown to know and trust. Where you truly know how to speak and listen to each other, and open up in a safe and caring way. Where you feel your heart energies in your own body and for your partner, and you take those loving, compassionate, playful feelings into your everyday life.
Now this was quite a challenge. Let me explain why.
My parents divorced when I was sixteen. They lived in different worlds, and it had ended very badly. My mother was a very down to earth and practical person, reliable and hard working, with five children to feed. Dad wanted to be a poet/artist, and seemed utterly unconcerned about earning money.
To tell you the truth, he had made it clear from as far back as I can remember, that he hadn’t wanted any children to begin with. He never showed any real interest in us. This put tremendous pressure on Mum. She not only lost respect for him, she was also often filled with anxiety and worry about our financial state. I won’t go into the details, but these realities put enormous pressure on them, causing all sorts of difficulties, ending up in an ugly courtroom battle.
It had a tremendous impact on the children as we grew up. Had I not discovered what I will share with you, what happened between them would have made it almost impossible for me to have a normal happy marriage with children. In fact, I am the only one in the family who has been able to do so.
So I didn’t have the ideal role models in my background for a great relationship. And, as I’ve gone on to realize more and more, we all tend to live out what has been put into us as children.
Where else was I to look for the right information about creating a great relationship? How was I to understand? Most people I asked said it always came back to the “chemistry” being the number one prerequisite. If you didn’t have that in your marriage, then it was really doomed. What is this so called “chemistry”, and how do you keep it once you have found it? No one could answer me at that time.
I would notice that so many people would fall madly “in love”, and within a period of time would be just as madly “in hate” or “indifference” at best. It seemed that the sexual chemistry was not the essential issue. In fact, as you will discover, the real, continual sexual intimacy is the result of something quite different. But I believed them for a while.
Not long before the conversation with my mother, I met Michael. It was 18 years ago when I was twenty-three. I had been an international model for some years, working in Europe, America and Australia. I had the opportunity of going out with some of the most amazing looking men. They were the hunkiest models you see in magazines. One of them, at the time, was a top model for Versace. I tasted for myself what passion and ‘chemistry’ was like.
The only problem was that within weeks of being in relationship with these men, their vanity and self-obsession would become an incredible turn off. Their conversations about workouts, face packs and creams, and watching them freak out at every pimple, would get on my nerves. I couldn’t imagine a long-term scenario there. There were at least one or two dimensions missing.
Michael was completely different, and he caught my attention. He was intensely interested in self development, the mind and consciousness. He had met and spent time with some of the most renowned self development masters in the world, and had studied all aspects of personal growth intensely since his youth. In those days, self-development courses and self-help books were not a common event. But he had had a natural inclination to delve into these areas from a very young age. He remembers his interest beginning at 11 years old.
He too had come from a broken home. His parents had separated when he was seven, in pretty ghastly circumstances, and he also was interested in having a long-term relationship where he would not repeat the mistakes of his parents.
After discovering we had quite a lot in common (apart from the disastrous parental relationships), in particular the film industry, an intense love of nature, and this incredible interest in self-development, we decided to commit ourselves to giving our relationship a go.
Our Relationship Begins
It was in the first year of our relationship, that we began to notice something very interesting. I would be loving and kind one moment and completely selfish and self obsessed the next. I would say one thing in the morning, and that same night feel completely different and change my mind. I would love and appreciate him one day, and pack my bags and be ready to go the next. What on earth was going on?
Why couldn’t I be consistent, and just be loving, kind, playful and passionate all the time? Why the games, the emotional explosions, the list of demands and, worst of all, feeling like my mother and father were in relationship to his mother and father? He too constantly revealed different sides of himself. We seemed to be in relationship with more than just one person!
And the criticisms! I was driven to criticize Michael mercilessly, even though he was not doing anything that warranted such criticism. This couldn’t be happening. I had definitely decided I would be different and not play out my parent’s relationship. There had to be an answer.
Why was it that not only us, but the people we knew, appeared to be made up of so many different aspects to their personality? I realised what we needed was a system with simple techniques and understandings. Surely someone had been there before, and knew the steps that we would have to take.
The Extraordinary Work of
Drs Hal & Sidra Stone
It was at this time that we discovered the work of Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone. They are world-renowned clinical psychologists who specialise in personality and relationships.
Their work was nothing short of amazing. They had all the answers we were looking for. They had truly discovered the secrets of creating a great relationship, keeping it going and allowing each person to grow more loving and communicate better with each year that passes.
Hal and Sidra Stone had met as psychologists more than thirty years ago, and started to experiment with this phenomenon of being made up of many “selves”. They now call it “The Psychology of Selves”.
In Psychology, it is now well known, that we are all made up of many different aspects of personality. But what they discovered was the awakening of a special faculty, which they called “The Aware Ego”, which is usually dormant in almost everyone.
It is certainly unknown to most psychologists, particularly those who have not studied the Psychology of Selves. Let alone the ordinary person. Without it, it is very hard to make a relationship work, unless you have both come from “perfect” parents. Even then, I have met many couples who say their parents are still together, but could not make their own marriage work.
If you understand the work of Hal and Sidra Stone, you will be stunned at the progress you will make in your relationships, and in all other areas of your life.
Michael and I received so many benefits from studying with Hal and Sidra Stone, that we were able to persuade them to make a video and audio series about their life’s work. It is now used all over the world and Voice Dialogue centers have been set up in many countries, particularly in the U.S.A., Europe and Australia.
I chose to go for the Voice Dialogue, Psychology of Selves system, and it has paid off to a degree I never dreamed possible. I encourage you to go for it yourself. This series is the crucial and unavoidable step to be able to practice Voice Dialogue and enjoy the benefits.
The Benefits I gained from Voice Dialogue
… .. which you can too
- I gained a great marriage, which gets better every year. I’m able to help my children to fulfil their potentials and have happy and successful lives.
- It has helped me in my career, and to create the exact lifestyle I enjoy. I am able to run teams of people for my work, and be appropriate in my behaviour with each different person as required. I can comfortably communicate with everyone. I am now able to pause before I react and choose my response as required.
- If I ever feel body pains or symptoms, I can also discover the part(s) of me which are trying to make me aware of changes I need to make, or past issues I need to deal with. I can therefore integrate the “message” any disease has for me. I have found it incredibly useful to deal with any psychosomatic aspects of ill health, and therefore I now enjoy great health, which is a welcome change from my past.
- It has helped me to master my financial life to the extent that I can now work only if I want to, while enjoying the material benefits of a fantastic lifestyle.
- It has also opened up extraordinary intuition and synchronicity in my life. Where I am so often in the right place at the right time, and meeting the right people to fulfill whatever it is I want to.
- And it has also allowed me to get in touch with my feelings on a very deep level.
So, I recommend The Voice Dialogue system as the vital tool for a great relationship and a great life.
The complete work of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone has been produced onto a brilliant DVD video/CD audio set called The Voice Dialogue Series.
To find out more, visit http://www.voicedialogue.tv