Voice Dialogue Course – Part 3
Why do you attract certain people
into your life?
Remember, all the surface subpersonalities you have are called the ‘Primary Selves’. Those which are buried, the subconscious subpersonalities, are called the ‘Disowned Selves’. They still live in your subconscious, motivating you, even though you are completely unaware of them.
Now, here is the crucial law of your mind. This is the secret of human life – that which you disown and bury in your subconscious mind, you attract into your life.
So, if you find someone incredibly fascinating, it is because you have an identical fascinating self within you, but it is buried. As you can’t bring it to the surface of your own mind at the moment, you seek it out in others and temporarily gain a feeling of “integration” within yourself.
If you look at this very carefully, it is the key to who you are attracted to, in all areas of your life.
An example would be a very hard-nosed, tough, ruthless businessman, who has suppressed into his subconscious, his feminine side, with its gentleness, caring and sensitivity. He will find himself fascinated and strongly attracted to a very feminine woman, who has as her primary selves, gentleness, caring and sensitivity.
She too, if she has suppressed and disowned her tough, hard nosed qualities, will find him attractive, because he represents to her, everything she is disowning in her own personality.
In other words, his primary selves match her disowned selves exactly, and her primary selves match his disowned selves exactly. They are what is called a ‘perfect match’.
Or, you may know someone who has difficulty with money, and discover that they find someone who is financially disciplined and decisive, very impressive. Or someone who is fearful and lacking in confidence will find a courageous person extremely attractive.
The list goes on and on. When you discover the Psychology of Selves system, you can understand other people in a way that sets you apart from everyone else.
You now have access to exactly why people behave as the do in relationship. Of course it is much deeper than that, as Hal and Sidra will explain.
What you realize, is that nobody is a single personality.
If you believe that, then you will be unprepared when your partner suddenly starts to express themselves in a totally different way.
Sometimes, when a partner does this, it seems almost as if a new person is in the relationship with you. Which, in a way, is in fact true, because each subpersonality is a person it itself. It can be a shock, a surprise or a relief, to find there is more to your partner than you originally realised.
Interestingly, many lawyers, specialising in divorce, say the most common remark people give about their partners, when asking for a divorce is: ‘I never really knew they were like that’ or ‘I never knew they were really like that underneath’.
Their partner had suddenly started to express himself or herself in a new and different way. The person did not realise the partner was merely expressing another self. It wasn’t that they were ‘really like that’. They were no more the particular self they were expressing, than the original one they were used to. They did not understand this, and thought they had married the wrong person.
Had they had the benefit of understanding Hal and Sidra Stone’s discoveries, and used the correct processes, their relationship would have grown closer and more loving. All these difficult events that drew them apart, in fact, could have been used to communicate in a far deeper and more fulfilling way.
So, before you can successfully relate with another person, at a powerfully satisfying and meaningful level, you need to become conscious of which of these selves you are expressing, at any particular time.
Express All Parts of Yourself
The Joy of Relationship
In a long-term relationship, you have the opportunity to express many more of your different subpersonalities. Instead of this being a difficulty, it becomes a great benefit to you both. You are not going to be stuck with some one dimensional lemon all your life.
You, and the person you are with, whether you both realise it or not, are filled with a vast smorgasbord of selves, each one a whole person in itself, with all its own history, memories, agendas, desires, emotions, abilities and ways of behaving.
Many of them are deeply interesting and fun filled. Others are serious and sad, attractive and energised. Some are fascinating and wise. There are countless different types that make you up. It is these different selves that good actors get in touch with, when they play different roles.
This is the joy of relationship – discovering your own and your partner’s selves, and letting them express themselves as they wish. It is truly enriching and fulfilling in ways that are stunning and powerful. It is known as the path of consciousness. To experience your True Self, you have to know your ‘selves’ first.
It is vitally important that you understand how your personality is made up. Because when you enter into a relationship, you are arriving with a group of selves – as is your partner. So it is actually two groups of people getting together – and let’s hope that a few of them get on!
Not knowing this, is an unwise way to live, because your life will be limited, your personal relationships unfulfilling, and your creative and expressive powers blocked and sabotaged. It is the cause of most confusions in relationships.
You will also be using up a lot of energy to suppress the disowned selves, and that will make you less attractive. The word attractive has (attr -) active in it. To be attractive, you have to have an active energy system. It is your energy which attracts other people to you, and keeps them there.
In Part 4, you will discover how understanding Hal and Sidra Stone’s work can transform you and your life…….
The complete work of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone has been produced onto a brilliant DVD video/CD audio set called The Voice Dialogue Series.
Discover how Hal and Sidra’s life work will benefit your relationships and communication abilities, feelings and emotions, health, self-confidence, career and financial life, creativity and dreams. Click here to read about how your life can be a fascinating and deeply interesting experience.
To find out more, visit http://www.voicedialogue.tv