Issue 67 –
Suggestion # 10: Keep connected (or energetically linked)
Sidra: I think the next thing we attend to is looking for linkage and energetic connection and admitting when you don’t have it, admitting it to yourself. This was a big one for me to get used to because I liked to think we had linkage, even when we didn’t. I would just go into a certain level of denial about that.
So, what I’m talking about is when you have the feeling that you really lost touch with the other person, energetically. You just have to know it and admit it to yourself, and to the other person, if possible. It’s easy to say something like: “I miss you”, or ” I’d love to feel closer to you”… something like that. (looking at Hal) Actually you were always better at saying that than I was.
Again, it’s about tuning your own instrument, feeling into when you’re lonesome and disconnected. Of course, one can’t always do something about it in the moment, but it’s about copping to that, and bringing it up. Sometimes it’s just not a “connected” time. When that happens, if you have enough impersonal energy developed, you can even say that. You can say things like: “You know, we’re not feeling very close right now, but I miss you. ” or, “Let’s set the intent to get a little closer as soon as we can. ”
Naturally, I’m talking about a relationship in which both of you are into the idea of linkage or energetic connection. Then it comes down to the ability of really knowing when the connection is there and when it’s not there.
Hal : The hardest time is getting out of a negative bonding pattern. You get into these things and it’s a rupture, like a fracture of the vessel for a period of time. And, it’s not possible, for me … …
Sidra: … … Or me … …
Hal : … … To immediately come back into linkage. I just can’t do it. And, if I’m clear at those times, I just say, “ “Look, you know I love you. But the fact is we just aren’t together right now. We just have to be patient about it and not make a big deal about it. ” Those are my good days. (Laughs)
Hal : On my bad days… Well, not so much. But, I have to say one of the nice things about living longer is the understanding that these things shall all pass, truly.
Sidra : (Nodding in agreement) By now, you’ve just been through it enough times.
Hal : It’s shocking, over time, to see how much gets handled.
Hal : It’s one of the fundamental ways we feed each other. It’s essential. I’m an energetic junkie and I just absolutely have to have that.
Sidra : We’ve always said that whatever it is we’re doing, we feel better when we’re linked energetically, no matter what it is. But naturally, there are simply times when we need to be separate for a time, into our own energies.
Hal : Something that’s interesting here is that when you’re younger, the linkage issue is often settled by sex. If you’ve had one of those separation periods, very often sexuality will come in and you come together physically. That will very often just bring you together energetically for a period of time. Of course, sometimes it doesn’t work and you come together and feel like you’ve been eating dried straw, just to make the other person feel good.
But then, as you get older, the sexuality isn’t there in the same way. So, the linkage itself becomes increasingly important. The older you get, the more you have to be able to attend to this in a psychological way because you can’t draw on the physical in the same way at all.