Part 16 – The Dream Weaver in Relationship

The Dream Weaver in Relationship
Hal and Sidra Stone  

When one surrenders to relationship as a journey of two souls, one finds that there is a Dream Weaver working deep within, sending forth dreams that can be used as guides along the evolutionary path.  

It is an awesome and yet most supportive idea to realize that there is an intelligence within us that can be available to direct the dream process and that wants us to become more conscious human beings. This Dream Weaver is revered in many societies where the dream is used to provide a direct link to unconscious processes, societies in which the life of the spirit assumes great importance.

When the process of relationship is seen as a vehicle for our individual evolution of consciousness, the dreams provide invaluable information, giving access to the great data bank of the unconscious. The dream process, therefore, is an integral part of the relationship process.

Each night, dreams review the activities of the day and give feedback in a most objective fashion. They give information about current psychological processes, pointing out our areas of awareness and giving specific pictures of areas where there is a lack of awareness. The more attention is paid to dreams, the clearer their messages become.

In relationship, the dreams of one partner can be understood rationally by the other. There  is also a level at which the dreams  of each partner bypass  the rational mind  and speak directly to the unconscious of the other. At either level, dreams provide an inexhaustible source of information and guidance that can be used in the service of relationship.

One of the most effective ways of surrendering to relationship, and one of the most powerful ways of enhancing it, is to share dreams every morning.  We have always shared our dreams in the morning before we begin the day’s activities. We recommend it as a daily ritual that will honor the growth process and keep it moving along at its deepest levels.

The Dream Weaver has an interest, or so it seems, in a conscious relationship and often   acts to protect it.  For instance, if we have become too tied in to our partner, we may dream about having an affair, or we may dream that our partner is having an affair.  This is the Dream Weaver’s attempt to break the bonding.  

The dream has performed the same service that an attraction to another person can provide, but it presents us with the information more quickly and with fewer interpersonal entanglements.  If the relationship has become too mundane, one of us might dream of being attracted to a spiritual type of person. If we have become too passive, one of us may dream of being married to a passive person and strongly attracted to someone more assertive. Our missing selves usually call out to us first in our dreams.

As we pay attention to our dreams, actions that were taken unconsciously during the day are played back at night.

Adrienne had been feeling vulnerable all day. As a result, she had been in her judgmental mother when she was with her husband, George. That night,  in her dreams, an unknown woman came over and pointed out to Adrienne  that she did not appreciate George and reminded Adrienne of his many contributions to her life. The next morning, she tells George the dream. He feels relief and relaxation, for he had been feeling sad without consciously knowing why.  His unconscious had responded to Adrienne’s judgmental mother the previous day, and the dream had helped restore the closeness between them.

Sometimes the unconscious gives a very direct picture of what is going on with a partner.  A woman dreams on a series of successive nights that her husband is having an affair. She finally confronts him and he admits  to the affair.  

A man dreams that his wife is very busy and no longer available to him.  He had not realized that this was happening until he had the dream.  The couple were able to begin to work upon an estrangement that neither had known about on a conscious level.  

When we begin to listen to the Dream Weaver and take our dreams seriously, it is like having access to a giant computer with amazing software that allows us to access all kinds of information we did not have before.